I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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