found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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