I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
