Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
