I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
