my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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