Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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