Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
