I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
