But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
