But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
