i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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