sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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