PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
