There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
