Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
