My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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