Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
