you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
