uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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