If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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