Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
