I will die if light touches me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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