Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
