I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
