i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
