I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
