the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
