No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
