I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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