I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
