I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
