I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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