i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well you can't waste a boner
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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