I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
