I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
