I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
