I wanna passion pit in your ass
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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