the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
