We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
