sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you never un-have a 4some
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
