Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
