I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
