What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
