hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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