Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
