fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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