I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
