apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
