I showed him my bush... on skype.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you traded sex for a burrito?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
