The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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