he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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