STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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