First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
